I had a solid day today eating wise.  I ate healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner, however after dinner I had a pepsi and a pastry. While the pepsi and the pastry are not items I want to have in my diet, after a day of being on point eating wise, it wasn’t that bad.  After I ate it though, I was semi-mad at myself as I battle my mental strength when it comes to have restraint to say no to these items.  I was laying across the bed thinking about how weak I feel I am mentally when I thought to call my husband in and ask him how does he keep strong with his mental thinking and restraints. We had a great talk.  I was surprise that I felt comfortable and he thoroughly was willing to help.  I wasn’t surprised as if he is not supportive, but more so that I was able to open up about it with him as lately I have been just keeping things internal and to myself.  We talked and basically came up with a plan that I believe would work and one that he said he would do everything he can to help me keep on track.  I felt so good after the talk.

The plan we talked about was creating a menu from Friday to Friday and also an exercise schedule that I would adhere to no matter what is thrown my way.  He told me that I deserve everything my heart desires and that he would help me to get those things.  My husband knows I want to lose weight and that it is my number one priority right now.  He is okay with my taking any needed time to focus on me and losing the weight I desire and he is also willing to help. I’m very grateful to have an understanding and helping husband.  The plan is that from Friday to Friday I stick solely to the exercise plan and menu and then on Friday I can have a treat, which includes a drink of my chose (probably a pepsi) and a food item of my choice before starting my next week of sticking to the plan created.  This does not mean that on Friday I can have a pass to splurge on the drink of my choice and food item of my choice, but instead I can have a serving of each.  I loved this idea and I am going to give it a try.  I will change my weigh-in day to Friday as it will be better suited for this plan.  Now all I have to do is create the menu (which I will do tomorrow evening after I grocery shop) and the exercise plan.  I will do both of these tomorrow evening.

I am thankful to have had this talk with my husband and for his support.  I will give it my all to stick to this plan and see if I can make better traction towards my goals and start to see better results. Stay tuned.

Until I blog again,

I did it. 

I did it.

OMG I did it.

After yesterday’s post where I was angry at myself for not staying the course, I pushed out today with one mission in mind….to make this day as close as possible eating wise. And guess what, I DID IT! For breakfast I had two scrambled eggs with cheese & two turkey sausage links. For lunch I had an open face burrito where I passed on the rice & tortilla and instead had the ground turkey over lettuce with onion, tomatos & cucumbers. And for dinner I had a small steak, cubed potatoes (made in the oven) & a side salad. I had absolutely no soda & im looking forward to day two with no soda tomorrow. I’m extremely proud of myself, now I will have to build on it. WoooHoooo….

I know this is a quick and short post where I basically rambled but I needed to get this out of my system! I’m happy that I beat all mental thoughts & had a close to perfect day in a long time. Time to build it up to ten close to perfect days of eating….

Until I blog again,

Ugh, I am so mad at myself.  I know, I know, it is the same ole story for me. I am on plan for two weeks, off for four weeks. I will NEVER get to where I want to go if this vicious and unwanted cycle continues.  Why can’t I get motivated, inspired and stay on track?  Why is this sooooooo hard for me? I want to lose weight, I really do, however I keep sabotaging myself instead. Mentally I feel so very weak.  Why can’t I make good food choices all day long? Why can’t I stay away from pepsi, which is a terrible trigger for me?




I knew that losing over 150 pound would be hard, but not this hard.  Today I did great for breakfast and lunch, however when I got home I seemed to eat everything in sight.  I ate pizza for dinner with a pepsi.  I then ate gingersnap cookies and potato chips.  The sad part is that I didn’t even want the cookies and chips, but because they were there, I ate them.  I immediately got up and poured hot water on all the snacks in my home and threw them in the trash.  I want to get to a point where I can go a day, JUST ONE DAY, as close to perfect with eating and exercising as possible.  I am going to do my best to make tomorrow that day.  For now, I will go and have 32 ounces of water and then go to bed.  I am praying that tomorrow is a better day for me. I have to get at least one day right and it will start tomorrow.

Until I blog again,

Day. Zero. Project. YES!

I have completed listing my 101 goals for the Day Zero Project, finally.  Well, I have 102 goals listed as I was an “overachiever” and couldn’t delete one goal when I learned I had went over by one goal. Oh well. If you do not know what the Day Zero Project is, basically it is where you choose 101 goals to be done in 1001 days, which is 2.74 years.  I did my best to come up with doable goals, but not something that would be so easy to accomplish either.  I look at this as a challenge as well.  I know it will be hard, but I will give it my all.  It is the least that I can do for me.

I created a Day Zero Project page on my blog so that I can have a place to keep track of the goals and my progress.  I plan to blog regularly about how the goals are going as a way to keep me honest.  I am pretty excited to finally get started.  My start date is May 14, 2017 and my end date is February 9, 2020.  The end date feels so far away, however we all know how time flies.  I attempted to put my goals into categories, so that I can have a better feel of what it is that I need to do in different areas. One might notice that I have a lot of health and exercise goals, but if I look at my life right now, this area is my focus.  This project will allow me to stay on track and stay the course to ensure I am still working towards progress of weight loss.  There are also some fun items in my list as I do not want to lose the focus of fun along the way 🙂 I would hate for that to happen 🙂

So finally I am starting a project that I have wanted to do for so long and I am tickled pink about doing so.  I plan to have some fun along the way…..now let’s get started.

Until I blog again,

I know I have said all the right things in my previous posts as I really do mean them, but I haven’t been honest with myself totally. You see all of the things I have said that I will do, all of the things that I shared I have done are true, but at a very highly inconsistent level.  I have yet to commit to eating healthy and exercising consistently. To be honest, it bothers me too.  Why? Why can’t I just commit to doing something that serves me right in the present and for the future? I am obese, overweight and if I continue down this road it can get really ugly for me.  I do not want this to happen.  I want to get to where I am consistent and build from there.  I know deep down I truly want to live a happy and healthy life, but my actions are not matching that desire.  And it has to if I am ever going to reach the goals I have set for myself, my weight and my eating habits.

I see people all the time reaching their weight loss goals as I sift through my instagram feed, read through blogs and even I know some people personally that have done it.  I still do not fully understand what it is that is keeping me from latching on and following through so that I too may have the success that I see so many have. It is all very frustrating and at times can be demoralizing that I am still in the place I was, saying I will do this and that, yet not gaining much traction.  What will it take? When will I get it and then work hard to achieve the weight loss goals I set for myself?  Honestly, there is NOTHING that is keeping me from reaching my goals, but me and that kills me deep inside.  KILLS ME!  I am tired of being that person that helps others very much but can’t seem to help myself even when my life can depend on it.  It hurts and I sometimes find myself speechless or not knowing what to do so that I can get on track and stay there.  I just don’t know.

But one thing is for certain, I WILL NOT QUIT! I WILL NOT GIVE UP! I say that and feel that with the notion of believing that one day I will do exactly what I said I would do.  I will eat healthy and I will exercise daily.  I believe that and I have to start somewhere.  So here’s to a great start to the week tomorrow. My plan is to go MASTER MONDAY… I pray!

I will blog tomorrow on my plan to get me back on track and how I will stay on track.

Until I blog again,

In one of the recent posts, I talked about implementing a rewards process that I will follow for small and big goals or as I called them, milestones.  I have the rewards ready to be shared today, but before I get to that, here’s a little back story of why I am creating this process.

Everyone likes to be rewarded from time to time and that includes me.  When I used to do Weight Watchers when I was successful by sticking to their plan, I would leave the WW meeting after having a loss at the scale and reward myself.  I used to love it however when I look back at what my rewards used to be, it was kind of counterproductive to what I was trying to accomplish. Why? Well, my rewards after losing at a weigh-in used to be rewards of food.  I would tell myself that if I lost this week that I would treat myself any where I wanted to eat and would not count a point. The thing was, that one meal turned in to a disastrous eating day which meant I had to work extra hard the other six days out of the week to make up for the huge calorie eating “reward” day. I do not want to do that now, instead I am coming up with a way to reward myself with other things than foods. With this approach I find that I will have something to shoot towards instead of food. I love the fact that I am implementing this reward system.

Drum roll please:

I weighed in today and I am 355.6.  I have lost some weight, not much, but I have loss.  Am I happy about it? Yes. But I know I can do better.  I had a better eating two weeks, but exercised little due to being sick. I do not want to dwell on that though, I lost and I am moving on from it. The next weigh-in will be better. I will see to that 🙂

Let’s jump into my personal rewards process:

355 pounds – start
345 –  10 — new book
335 –  20 — license plate frame
325 –  30 — new workout clothes
315 –  40 — new fun socks (I love fun socks)
305 –  50 — any fitness gadget
295 –  60 — new music (5 albums)
285 –  70 — new outfits
275 –  80 — necklace
265 –  90 — bracelet
255 – 100 — get away weekend (100 wow)
245 – 110 — blog makeover
235 – 120 — order t-shirt designs
225 – 130 — 2 pair Chuck Taylor’s
215 – 140 — Michael Kors watch
205 – 150 — something from Tiffany’s
195 – 160 — 2 new fragrances
185 – 170 — sneaker that I always wanted (H7)
175 – 180 — professional photo shoot

That’s it! For now these will stick, however I am leaving room for changes as I see fit. The reward can change, but not the weight target for the reward. I’m excited.  I have some other things that I am doing to help make losing weight fun, but I will share those things in another post.  I am really excited! Ready to start earning myself some REWARDS! Yay!

Until I blog again,

I am finally not sick any more which means that I can go back to the gym in the morning.  Yessssss!

I was down for twelve days where the illness won.  I had one ER visit, one doctor visit and five medicines prescribed. Sickness, you won that round.  However, there are several more rounds to go and I will do everything I can to win those.

I am really ready to get back into my workout routine and eating routine. When you are sick, unfortunately, you get away from the routine you were in while fighting to beat the illness.  I know I will have to start small again and work my way back up to where I was before the illness.  I am so okay with that. I just want to get started.

I am going to the gym in the morning for a 5am workout.  I find that if I get a solid workout done in the mornings, then the rest of the day I can solely focus on what I put in my body to fuel it.  I also find that I do not use excuse of being tired after work as to why I didn’t go for a workout. Reprogramming myself to wake up early again will be a task, but it is definitely something I will get done. The plan is to get some cardio in and if time permits, I will do some resistant training on arms. My gym bag is packed and I am ready to hit the floor running, so I better get ready to go to bed so that I am able to wake up. Looking forward to the exercising tomorrow.

Until I blog again,

I was not always overweight. In fact, I was an athlete at one point in my life where I played at each level except the professional level.  I sometimes wonder if I could have played professionally if I had of kept going, but that’s another bog post. Recently I was told from someone I respect who actually played with professionals that there was no doubt I could have played at that level, however I will never know. Deep down I believe I could have played professionally, but life took me another route.

My route hasn’t been easy as it relates to exercise and eating habits. All of this is basically my fault so I take full blame for the route I went. I stopped working out, working on my game and fell in love with food and dining out instead.  This caught up to me hence why I am faced with the challenge now. During this time, I have promised myself several times that I would do better and while my intentions were good, for whatever reason I didn’t follow through.  I also shared stories of my goal of wanting to do better with friends, family, coworkers and God, however I failed to meet those goals.  This became a pattern, so today when I feel as though I am serious about weight loss and I share the same type of stories with my family, friends, coworkers and even God, I can see why they wouldn’t believe me.  Because I’ve been down this road before with them and unfortunately I have not been able to share any results. I am at the point I do not even want to share these same stories with them of my goal to want to lose weight as I feel their belief in me wouldn’t be there.  This is all brought on by me and I accept that. Why would you or anyone believe someone who has repeatedly said one thing, but have done the exact opposite? I wouldn’t believe someone like that. I would listen, but I would have my reservations. That is human nature. But that is all okay.  No one has to believe me, I believe in myself.

I know that it is easy to lose weight with a partner or with someone, a buddy system, but I am at a point where I rather do it with God as my anchor and let my work do the talking. I do not want to look like a liar again. I do not want to say one thing and have someone deep down not believe in me or the words I say. My husband believes in me, I am sure of this, however I want to show him.  I want him to assist me as I am on this journey, but before I start talking, I want him to see me doing the action. This is something I choose to do as I have said I would do this and that relating to weight loss, but never followed through.  I do believe in me. I will do this and I know God will be with me.  Will it be easy? No, but nothing in life is.  Each day I will work hard to get closer to my goal just like I do anything else in my life.  I will continue to do the believing, as I am the only one that matters.  I hold no grudges against anyone who doesn’t believe in me any longer and I understand why they wouldn’t believe me. I truly get it.

But I will do this. I BELIEVE! I BELIEVE IN ME!

Until I blog again,

I haven’t blogged in eight days. Although I wanted to blog, physically I just couldn’t. I have been sick & bed ridden since Sunday night. I ended up in the ER as I started to have trouble breathing. It scared me. All kinds of negative thoughts went through my mind on what could be causing my illness & my labored breathing. Again, I was scared. So I went to the ER.

When I got to the ER, the person who received me (at the front test) took my vitals. My blood pressure was a tad high & since my breathing was labored, he did an EKG right away. After he performed the EKG, I asked him how was it and he said that it was ok. I was a tad relieved then. After that I was asked to have a seat in the waiting room & that I would be called shortly, however that didn’t happen. I saw folks leaving where they were discharged, however I never was called. I was becoming uncomfortable so I went and informed the gentleman that I felt like my breathing was getting worse. About ten minutes after that, I was called. I thought to myself, finally.  

After being called, I thought I would be taken to a room where a doctor would check me out. Nope! I was called to have X-rays done on my chest as the doctor wanted to rule out pneumonia. I then went back to the waiting room where I waited another twenty minutes. I was then called again, this time I was taken to a room. Once in the ER room the doctor came in and informed me that he was a little concerned about my EKG results because he saw some patterns that he didn’t like. I got scared although I held it together. He then said that because of that, he wanted to have six blood test performed to check for a blood clot, a pulmonary issue or a heart issue. No one knew this, but my heart started beating fast. At that moment I was saying to myself that I hoped all the years of being over weight didn’t catch up to me and now I would be faced with a health issue. But I told the doctor it was ok to proceed with the blood tests. He listened to my lungs & said “while I see your breathing is labored, your lungs are quiet so I wouldn’t think you have pneumonia, but let’s wait on the blood work.” I felt better after that statement but I was still concerned. The nurse came in and took the blood & went over my charts. He then told me that my X-rays looked good as far as he could see. I felt some more relief. The reason why I was at the ER was because my cough had become so unbearable, my breathing was out of control & I had been vomitting. I also had really bad head congestion too, I had no idea my EKG was showing signs of trouble. I was started to get sad 🙁

About an hour passed and the doctor came back in the room & said all blood tests came back fine. All was well there. He then said “you have bronchitis & a severe upper respiratory infection.” Whew! What a huge relief I felt. I made a promise to myself from the moment I started to feel better, I would give everything I have to my health & to get this weigh off of me. I made this promise right there in the ER bed, right when the doctor gave me the all clear sign. I asked the doctor why the abnormal EKG & he said sometimes when someone’s breathing is labored or they cough a lot, it could happen, but he wanted to check to be sure. He didn’t say that because of my weight, this is why he wanted to check, but I knew that was definitely one of his reasons. 

I left the ER with four prescriptions & headed home around 6am Monday morning. I got the prescriptions filled at the local CVS, came home and showered, took the meds and slept right away. I have been in bed since. It is now Wednesday at 7pm & while I’m not 100% better, tomorrow I will push out to give work a try. I feel weak from the meds, not eating much and from being in the bed constantly, but I feel better. I can’t wait until I’m 100% again so that I can resume being who I am and getting back to working out. I’m so ready!

Until I blog again,

On Monday the day started out fine, I got up went to work and all was well.  Around 1:30pm while at work, I started to have a very hurtful headache, so I left and came home early.  The next day, Tuesday, I woke up and was feeling my best. My throat was sore and I had head congestion to the point where my voice had changed.  I still pushed out to work. I felt terrible and by 2:30pm, I had to leave work.  I got home and it worsened.  By 9pm, I had taken meds and had soup, then was in bed.  I was awaken at 2:30am, where I had chills, fever and had started vomiting.  Needless to say, I didn’t get any sleep and was up most of the night/morning feeling terrible.  I had to call off today.  I slept until 10:30am after finally falling to sleep around 5am.  When I woke up, I did feel better so I attempted to eat something small.  Good try.  That meal ended up coming back up.  I really dislike to vomit, but will admit that once I do, I tend to feel better. I feel better now, so much that I want to go to the gym as I haven’t been since Sunday, but I know that would be silly.  I will see how I feel through the night and if I feel better, I will be at the gym in the morning.

Tonight my plans are to eat some homemade soup and to drink plenty of water. I am hoping to flush this crap out of me because I am one who really dislikes being sick.  I need to be back strong so that I can push towards my goals.  I have some big things planned for myself so I need to get back on track to stay the course.  Speaking of big things, I am working on a list of “rewards” for myself for when I reach small and big goals. I will have the list ready by my next weigh in (this upcoming Tuesday, April 18th). My plan is to take my weight on Tuesday and from there set an end weight goal. Once I have the end weight goal, I will then divide the number of pounds I have to lose to reach that goal evenly and create rewards each time I reach one of the goals. The bigger goals, like 25 pounds down or 50 pounds down, will be a bigger reward.  These will be considered milestones. The smaller goals will still be rewarded but will be something like a pedicure or something of that sort.  I am excited to kick off my personal reward process, it should be fun.

I am off to take some meds and shower so that I may get in the covers and lay down. I still do not feel 100% so I will tend to this illness so that I can be back strong.

Until I blog again,