April 2017

11 posts

In one of the recent posts, I talked about implementing a rewards process that I will follow for small and big goals or as I called them, milestones.  I have the rewards ready to be shared today, but before I get to that, here’s a little back story of why I am creating this process.

Everyone likes to be rewarded from time to time and that includes me.  When I used to do Weight Watchers when I was successful by sticking to their plan, I would leave the WW meeting after having a loss at the scale and reward myself.  I used to love it however when I look back at what my rewards used to be, it was kind of counterproductive to what I was trying to accomplish. Why? Well, my rewards after losing at a weigh-in used to be rewards of food.  I would tell myself that if I lost this week that I would treat myself any where I wanted to eat and would not count a point. The thing was, that one meal turned in to a disastrous eating day which meant I had to work extra hard the other six days out of the week to make up for the huge calorie eating “reward” day. I do not want to do that now, instead I am coming up with a way to reward myself with other things than foods. With this approach I find that I will have something to shoot towards instead of food. I love the fact that I am implementing this reward system.

Drum roll please:

I weighed in today and I am 355.6.  I have lost some weight, not much, but I have loss.  Am I happy about it? Yes. But I know I can do better.  I had a better eating two weeks, but exercised little due to being sick. I do not want to dwell on that though, I lost and I am moving on from it. The next weigh-in will be better. I will see to that 🙂

Let’s jump into my personal rewards process:

355 pounds – start
345 –  10 — new book
335 –  20 — license plate frame
325 –  30 — new workout clothes
315 –  40 — new fun socks (I love fun socks)
305 –  50 — any fitness gadget
295 –  60 — new music (5 albums)
285 –  70 — new outfits
275 –  80 — necklace
265 –  90 — bracelet
255 – 100 — get away weekend (100 wow)
245 – 110 — blog makeover
235 – 120 — order t-shirt designs
225 – 130 — 2 pair Chuck Taylor’s
215 – 140 — Michael Kors watch
205 – 150 — something from Tiffany’s
195 – 160 — 2 new fragrances
185 – 170 — sneaker that I always wanted (H7)
175 – 180 — professional photo shoot

That’s it! For now these will stick, however I am leaving room for changes as I see fit. The reward can change, but not the weight target for the reward. I’m excited.  I have some other things that I am doing to help make losing weight fun, but I will share those things in another post.  I am really excited! Ready to start earning myself some REWARDS! Yay!

Until I blog again,

I am finally not sick any more which means that I can go back to the gym in the morning.  Yessssss!

I was down for twelve days where the illness won.  I had one ER visit, one doctor visit and five medicines prescribed. Sickness, you won that round.  However, there are several more rounds to go and I will do everything I can to win those.

I am really ready to get back into my workout routine and eating routine. When you are sick, unfortunately, you get away from the routine you were in while fighting to beat the illness.  I know I will have to start small again and work my way back up to where I was before the illness.  I am so okay with that. I just want to get started.

I am going to the gym in the morning for a 5am workout.  I find that if I get a solid workout done in the mornings, then the rest of the day I can solely focus on what I put in my body to fuel it.  I also find that I do not use excuse of being tired after work as to why I didn’t go for a workout. Reprogramming myself to wake up early again will be a task, but it is definitely something I will get done. The plan is to get some cardio in and if time permits, I will do some resistant training on arms. My gym bag is packed and I am ready to hit the floor running, so I better get ready to go to bed so that I am able to wake up. Looking forward to the exercising tomorrow.

Until I blog again,

I was not always overweight. In fact, I was an athlete at one point in my life where I played at each level except the professional level.  I sometimes wonder if I could have played professionally if I had of kept going, but that’s another bog post. Recently I was told from someone I respect who actually played with professionals that there was no doubt I could have played at that level, however I will never know. Deep down I believe I could have played professionally, but life took me another route.

My route hasn’t been easy as it relates to exercise and eating habits. All of this is basically my fault so I take full blame for the route I went. I stopped working out, working on my game and fell in love with food and dining out instead.  This caught up to me hence why I am faced with the challenge now. During this time, I have promised myself several times that I would do better and while my intentions were good, for whatever reason I didn’t follow through.  I also shared stories of my goal of wanting to do better with friends, family, coworkers and God, however I failed to meet those goals.  This became a pattern, so today when I feel as though I am serious about weight loss and I share the same type of stories with my family, friends, coworkers and even God, I can see why they wouldn’t believe me.  Because I’ve been down this road before with them and unfortunately I have not been able to share any results. I am at the point I do not even want to share these same stories with them of my goal to want to lose weight as I feel their belief in me wouldn’t be there.  This is all brought on by me and I accept that. Why would you or anyone believe someone who has repeatedly said one thing, but have done the exact opposite? I wouldn’t believe someone like that. I would listen, but I would have my reservations. That is human nature. But that is all okay.  No one has to believe me, I believe in myself.

I know that it is easy to lose weight with a partner or with someone, a buddy system, but I am at a point where I rather do it with God as my anchor and let my work do the talking. I do not want to look like a liar again. I do not want to say one thing and have someone deep down not believe in me or the words I say. My husband believes in me, I am sure of this, however I want to show him.  I want him to assist me as I am on this journey, but before I start talking, I want him to see me doing the action. This is something I choose to do as I have said I would do this and that relating to weight loss, but never followed through.  I do believe in me. I will do this and I know God will be with me.  Will it be easy? No, but nothing in life is.  Each day I will work hard to get closer to my goal just like I do anything else in my life.  I will continue to do the believing, as I am the only one that matters.  I hold no grudges against anyone who doesn’t believe in me any longer and I understand why they wouldn’t believe me. I truly get it.

But I will do this. I BELIEVE! I BELIEVE IN ME!

Until I blog again,

I haven’t blogged in eight days. Although I wanted to blog, physically I just couldn’t. I have been sick & bed ridden since Sunday night. I ended up in the ER as I started to have trouble breathing. It scared me. All kinds of negative thoughts went through my mind on what could be causing my illness & my labored breathing. Again, I was scared. So I went to the ER.

When I got to the ER, the person who received me (at the front test) took my vitals. My blood pressure was a tad high & since my breathing was labored, he did an EKG right away. After he performed the EKG, I asked him how was it and he said that it was ok. I was a tad relieved then. After that I was asked to have a seat in the waiting room & that I would be called shortly, however that didn’t happen. I saw folks leaving where they were discharged, however I never was called. I was becoming uncomfortable so I went and informed the gentleman that I felt like my breathing was getting worse. About ten minutes after that, I was called. I thought to myself, finally.  

After being called, I thought I would be taken to a room where a doctor would check me out. Nope! I was called to have X-rays done on my chest as the doctor wanted to rule out pneumonia. I then went back to the waiting room where I waited another twenty minutes. I was then called again, this time I was taken to a room. Once in the ER room the doctor came in and informed me that he was a little concerned about my EKG results because he saw some patterns that he didn’t like. I got scared although I held it together. He then said that because of that, he wanted to have six blood test performed to check for a blood clot, a pulmonary issue or a heart issue. No one knew this, but my heart started beating fast. At that moment I was saying to myself that I hoped all the years of being over weight didn’t catch up to me and now I would be faced with a health issue. But I told the doctor it was ok to proceed with the blood tests. He listened to my lungs & said “while I see your breathing is labored, your lungs are quiet so I wouldn’t think you have pneumonia, but let’s wait on the blood work.” I felt better after that statement but I was still concerned. The nurse came in and took the blood & went over my charts. He then told me that my X-rays looked good as far as he could see. I felt some more relief. The reason why I was at the ER was because my cough had become so unbearable, my breathing was out of control & I had been vomitting. I also had really bad head congestion too, I had no idea my EKG was showing signs of trouble. I was started to get sad 🙁

About an hour passed and the doctor came back in the room & said all blood tests came back fine. All was well there. He then said “you have bronchitis & a severe upper respiratory infection.” Whew! What a huge relief I felt. I made a promise to myself from the moment I started to feel better, I would give everything I have to my health & to get this weigh off of me. I made this promise right there in the ER bed, right when the doctor gave me the all clear sign. I asked the doctor why the abnormal EKG & he said sometimes when someone’s breathing is labored or they cough a lot, it could happen, but he wanted to check to be sure. He didn’t say that because of my weight, this is why he wanted to check, but I knew that was definitely one of his reasons. 

I left the ER with four prescriptions & headed home around 6am Monday morning. I got the prescriptions filled at the local CVS, came home and showered, took the meds and slept right away. I have been in bed since. It is now Wednesday at 7pm & while I’m not 100% better, tomorrow I will push out to give work a try. I feel weak from the meds, not eating much and from being in the bed constantly, but I feel better. I can’t wait until I’m 100% again so that I can resume being who I am and getting back to working out. I’m so ready!

Until I blog again,

On Monday the day started out fine, I got up went to work and all was well.  Around 1:30pm while at work, I started to have a very hurtful headache, so I left and came home early.  The next day, Tuesday, I woke up and was feeling my best. My throat was sore and I had head congestion to the point where my voice had changed.  I still pushed out to work. I felt terrible and by 2:30pm, I had to leave work.  I got home and it worsened.  By 9pm, I had taken meds and had soup, then was in bed.  I was awaken at 2:30am, where I had chills, fever and had started vomiting.  Needless to say, I didn’t get any sleep and was up most of the night/morning feeling terrible.  I had to call off today.  I slept until 10:30am after finally falling to sleep around 5am.  When I woke up, I did feel better so I attempted to eat something small.  Good try.  That meal ended up coming back up.  I really dislike to vomit, but will admit that once I do, I tend to feel better. I feel better now, so much that I want to go to the gym as I haven’t been since Sunday, but I know that would be silly.  I will see how I feel through the night and if I feel better, I will be at the gym in the morning.

Tonight my plans are to eat some homemade soup and to drink plenty of water. I am hoping to flush this crap out of me because I am one who really dislikes being sick.  I need to be back strong so that I can push towards my goals.  I have some big things planned for myself so I need to get back on track to stay the course.  Speaking of big things, I am working on a list of “rewards” for myself for when I reach small and big goals. I will have the list ready by my next weigh in (this upcoming Tuesday, April 18th). My plan is to take my weight on Tuesday and from there set an end weight goal. Once I have the end weight goal, I will then divide the number of pounds I have to lose to reach that goal evenly and create rewards each time I reach one of the goals. The bigger goals, like 25 pounds down or 50 pounds down, will be a bigger reward.  These will be considered milestones. The smaller goals will still be rewarded but will be something like a pedicure or something of that sort.  I am excited to kick off my personal reward process, it should be fun.

I am off to take some meds and shower so that I may get in the covers and lay down. I still do not feel 100% so I will tend to this illness so that I can be back strong.

Until I blog again,

Sunday, ol Sunday 🙂

Yes, the weekend is almost over and it is time for a new week.  I embrace Monday’s as to me I think of it as a fresh start to get the things I want in life right.  I know it is not always that easy, but I try to tell myself this each week. This way I go into the week with a positive mind-set.  So bring on Monday!

Today I took a trip to Costco because I needed to renew my membership and grab a couple of items for this week’s meal prepping.  When I got to the counter to renew my membership, I greeted the lady at the counter how I would normally greet someone.  Immediately after my greeting her she began to tell me how she thought my spirit was beautiful and how my smile and joy beams off of me.  That really made my day.  It got better though. After I thanked her, I took out my bank card so that I can pay for the renewal fees, however she told me that my account had been upgraded for free AND for two years! My heart melted. I was shocked, but thankful/grateful.  I thanked her over and over and promised her that I would pay it forward.  Needless to say, my shopping right after was awesome

At Costco I got some plums, nuts, greens, brown rice and my husband his snacks.  It was jammed packed, so I was surprised that I was able to get in and out in an hour.  Immediately after I left I went to the local grocery store to buy some green peppers (I didn’t want to buy them in bulk at Costco since we do not eat them in plenty) and I got some mustard and turnip greens.  I came home at started my meal prepping.

For my meal prepping, I made egg muffins, greens (mustard and turnips), baked jerk chicken and brown rice.  For breakfast I will have two egg muffins and on the side some sliced cucumbers. For lunch I will have baked chicken, 1.75 cups of the mustard and turnips and a half of cup of brown rice. I am trying my hardest to get more greens in hence the cucumbers and greens. For dinner I am not sure what I will have, but I am thinking salmon and either a salad or some broccoli.  My snacks are plums and cottage cheese. I am anxious to see how this will go for the week as this is my first week back at meal prepping. Let’s see.

For exercise this week, I want to go to the gym Mon-Sat and I plan to do a cardio each workout and this week I will add weight training.  I do not want to get burned out so I want to see how this week goes and I will adjust accordingly.  I also am planning to get to the vitamin store so that I can pick up vitamin D and magnesium. Vitamin D is an obvious pickup and the magnesium I want to add for a while to help relax my muscles since they are so sore from introducing exercise back into my days.

That’s it. That’s where I would like to keep my focus this week. Stay the course with my eating and get my exercise in. I believe I am ready to have a great week, but you know sleep is important too. So with that being duly noted, off to shower and get ready to jump in my sweet, sweet bed.

Gonna kick ass this week, mmmmkay?

Until I blog again,

Tonight I thought to myself to break up the monotony of my workout routine, I would take my basketball to the gym and shoot some shots. To make it a solid workout, I promised myself that after I shot the ball, that I would hustle to gather my rebound instead of walking to get the rebound. I wanted this to be fun, but I really wanted to get a good sweat in too. I put on my wireless headphones, had my music, my ball and to the gym I went. When I first got there, there were only two young boys there (maybe 11-12 years old) which was cool because I was able to get one half of the gym to myself. Minutes later, three other teenage looking boys came in, making it a total of six folks in the gym, including me, The boys wanted to play three-on-three, half court, but that would mean they needed me to play to make the teams even. When they first asked me, I told them no as I knew I wasn’t ready to play competitively, even against young boys.  With my weight being 358 (I haven’t weighed yet to see if I lost from my original weight that I talked about in this post) I know the movement in basketball, the jumping and the fast past that teenage boys play at would be too much, so I initially said no.  However, that no didn’t last long. About 25 minutes had passed and I was hoping someone would come in so that they could play, but no one had showed up.  I looked at the other end of the court and saw that one boy had to sit out as the other four had started a game of two-on-two.  At that point, I went down and said to them, add me to a team and let the little guy sitting out on the other team.  Whew!!!

I ended up playing two games.  It was so hard. I was out of breathe. The competitor in me wanted to do the things that I used to be able to do while playing basketball in high school and college, but I could not do it. Instead, I was a liability on defense as the young man I was guarding was a deer and was running every where.  I had to remind myself during the games that this was a workout for me and that I knew it would be hard, but to keep moving. I did that and I was happy in the end.  After the two games, I sat on the sideline on the bench for about 25 minutes. Why did I do that? When I got up to leave, it was hard to get up because my joints where hurting.  I managed to get home where I took a bath to soak my bones and as I am writing this post, I am paying for the basketball workout this evening. I am sore, whew!

I know I am not ready to move like I moved tonight, but I am still happy that I did it. And I haven’t decided yet, but Friday evenings for my workout, I may do this weekly. I want to see how I feel tomorrow and how I recover before I make the final decision. One of my long-term goals is to be able to play a full court basketball game again.  I have work to do, but I will get there.  I am paying for the basketball I played tonight, but I will be very honest, I felt good to be back on a court that once was my “comfort zone” for years while I played competitively. I will be back in some fashion one day.

Until I blog again,

Dear God,

First and foremost, I want to thank You for giving me life, for seeing fit to allow me to see another day.  There is not a day that goes by that I am not grateful & thankful for all the things You do for me and through me.  I love you with all of my heart and I give You all the honor and glory for everything.

I am writing you Father as I want to apologize to You. I apologize sincerely for what I have done to the body You gave me, the temple You gave me. I have allowed food to be who You were supposed to be in my life. And I am sorry. I have over eaten many times. I have been a glutton. I ask You for forgiveness. I am making a promise to You and to myself to do better. I will eat better and I will exercise. I have already started Father. Please allow me the chance to show You that I will keep my word. Give me the time and continue to help and guide me. I ask that You please accept my apology. I sometimes wish I could go back in time to change all the bad I have done as it relates to eating that has got me to my size, but I know I can not go back. I pray that You would grant me another chance.  Father, I am asking that You help me to forgive myself so that I can move forward and do better. I give You my word that I will do so.  Another thing Father, I find that eating the right way and correcting the bad habits I have had with my relationship with food hard, so I am asking that You guide me and show me the way.  Help me become disciplined in my eating. Please help me to become consistent with great eating habits.  Help me to know when I have had enough to eat.  I ask for help as for now it is hard, hard to rid myself of the bad eating decisions that I have become accustomed to.  Father, through it all, I will alway give You the glory for I know it is only You that deserve it.

Thank You Father for hearing my prayer, for accepting my apology and for allowing me to move on past the damage I have done to my body. I love you Father. In the name of Jesus I pray…Amen!

Until I blog again,

Today while doing some thinking about where I want to be on my weight loss journey, the one word that kept coming to me is consistency.  I know exactly why too.  In the past when I have set out to lose weight, I would be consistent for a maximum of two months and then one day or night where I would eat bad or skip the gym and then boom that was the end basically.  I never bounced back from that bad day or night.  I would attempt to bounce back, but I never fully would. There are other times where I would be doing well with my eating habits and exercise for an entire week and then off for the next three weeks.  I would then have a wake up call and get back on track, but that is after I have gained all I had lost from the week(s) I was on track.  The one thing I have not truly been able to do was to stay on track, just to be consistent.  This is why I have not seen how far I can go and how much weight I could lose.  I sabotaged myself before I am able to see real results.  I have to do better this time around.

My plan is to be as consistent as I can. I do not want to go two weeks and then have an off day and that day becomes a month or two.  Then I will be right back where I started and that is the most frustrating thing that I put myself through.  I want to know that I can lose twenty pounds so that I can see if I can lose thirty pounds.  I want to see that I can become a pants size smaller.  I want to see that I can eat clean for three months straight. I want to be able to notice that I have loss weight.  I can do all of these things if I give a consistent effort each day. This is the piece that I have not yet mastered, but I will. It is all a mental thing and I will do everything I can to master this piece of the “puzzle”. Sometimes I wish it came easy to me, but then again, what good would it be if it was all so simple? I know I can do it. I know it will not be easy.   I have to stay consistent with my eating and exercise and trust the process.  And I will…

Until I blog again,

I finally made it back to the gym.  Yesterday was the first of the month, so I wanted to start the month off on the right foot.  I also wanted to ensure that I am doing what is needed to meet my birthday goal as talked about in yesterday’s post. It felt good to be back, but just like any time you someone is away from working out, I am experiencing some soreness.  Yesterday I did the elliptical for 45 minutes while watching Hulu, My 600 lb Life, where I was so emotional. This show really helped me power my workout too.   I feel so sorry for the folks on this tv show, but at the end of each episode it is awesome to see that most of them have changed their lives.

Here are my numbers from the elliptical yesterday.  I did 3 miles on the elliptical.

I am aware that the workout machine numbers are the most accurate, however my heart rate monitor that i better with workout number accuracy batteries were dead. I came home from the gym and ordered new batteries from the heart rate monitor from amazon. Mid next week I should be good to go and ready to wear my hrm for better workout number accuracy.

I also went to the gym earlier today. I watched another episode of My 600 lb Life so my workout was identical to yesterday’s.  I was so close to 3 miles. Below is a photo of me hiding my face and my workout numbers.  I have a long way to go, but I will not quit until I reach my goals.

I am ready for the work week to start. My lunch is packed and I am looking forward to pushing through this week.  I am off to pack my gym bag now. Here’s to an awesome week <3

Until I blog again,