Category : Goals

11 posts

I had a solid day today eating wise.  I ate healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner, however after dinner I had a pepsi and a pastry. While the pepsi and the pastry are not items I want to have in my diet, after a day of being on point eating wise, it wasn’t that bad.  After I ate it though, I was semi-mad at myself as I battle my mental strength when it comes to have restraint to say no to these items.  I was laying across the bed thinking about how weak I feel I am mentally when I thought to call my husband in and ask him how does he keep strong with his mental thinking and restraints. We had a great talk.  I was surprise that I felt comfortable and he thoroughly was willing to help.  I wasn’t surprised as if he is not supportive, but more so that I was able to open up about it with him as lately I have been just keeping things internal and to myself.  We talked and basically came up with a plan that I believe would work and one that he said he would do everything he can to help me keep on track.  I felt so good after the talk.

The plan we talked about was creating a menu from Friday to Friday and also an exercise schedule that I would adhere to no matter what is thrown my way.  He told me that I deserve everything my heart desires and that he would help me to get those things.  My husband knows I want to lose weight and that it is my number one priority right now.  He is okay with my taking any needed time to focus on me and losing the weight I desire and he is also willing to help. I’m very grateful to have an understanding and helping husband.  The plan is that from Friday to Friday I stick solely to the exercise plan and menu and then on Friday I can have a treat, which includes a drink of my chose (probably a pepsi) and a food item of my choice before starting my next week of sticking to the plan created.  This does not mean that on Friday I can have a pass to splurge on the drink of my choice and food item of my choice, but instead I can have a serving of each.  I loved this idea and I am going to give it a try.  I will change my weigh-in day to Friday as it will be better suited for this plan.  Now all I have to do is create the menu (which I will do tomorrow evening after I grocery shop) and the exercise plan.  I will do both of these tomorrow evening.

I am thankful to have had this talk with my husband and for his support.  I will give it my all to stick to this plan and see if I can make better traction towards my goals and start to see better results. Stay tuned.

Until I blog again,

I did it. 

I did it.

OMG I did it.

After yesterday’s post where I was angry at myself for not staying the course, I pushed out today with one mission in mind….to make this day as close as possible eating wise. And guess what, I DID IT! For breakfast I had two scrambled eggs with cheese & two turkey sausage links. For lunch I had an open face burrito where I passed on the rice & tortilla and instead had the ground turkey over lettuce with onion, tomatos & cucumbers. And for dinner I had a small steak, cubed potatoes (made in the oven) & a side salad. I had absolutely no soda & im looking forward to day two with no soda tomorrow. I’m extremely proud of myself, now I will have to build on it. WoooHoooo….

I know this is a quick and short post where I basically rambled but I needed to get this out of my system! I’m happy that I beat all mental thoughts & had a close to perfect day in a long time. Time to build it up to ten close to perfect days of eating….

Until I blog again,

Ugh, I am so mad at myself.  I know, I know, it is the same ole story for me. I am on plan for two weeks, off for four weeks. I will NEVER get to where I want to go if this vicious and unwanted cycle continues.  Why can’t I get motivated, inspired and stay on track?  Why is this sooooooo hard for me? I want to lose weight, I really do, however I keep sabotaging myself instead. Mentally I feel so very weak.  Why can’t I make good food choices all day long? Why can’t I stay away from pepsi, which is a terrible trigger for me?

Why?

Why?

Why?

I knew that losing over 150 pound would be hard, but not this hard.  Today I did great for breakfast and lunch, however when I got home I seemed to eat everything in sight.  I ate pizza for dinner with a pepsi.  I then ate gingersnap cookies and potato chips.  The sad part is that I didn’t even want the cookies and chips, but because they were there, I ate them.  I immediately got up and poured hot water on all the snacks in my home and threw them in the trash.  I want to get to a point where I can go a day, JUST ONE DAY, as close to perfect with eating and exercising as possible.  I am going to do my best to make tomorrow that day.  For now, I will go and have 32 ounces of water and then go to bed.  I am praying that tomorrow is a better day for me. I have to get at least one day right and it will start tomorrow.

Until I blog again,

I know I have said all the right things in my previous posts as I really do mean them, but I haven’t been honest with myself totally. You see all of the things I have said that I will do, all of the things that I shared I have done are true, but at a very highly inconsistent level.  I have yet to commit to eating healthy and exercising consistently. To be honest, it bothers me too.  Why? Why can’t I just commit to doing something that serves me right in the present and for the future? I am obese, overweight and if I continue down this road it can get really ugly for me.  I do not want this to happen.  I want to get to where I am consistent and build from there.  I know deep down I truly want to live a happy and healthy life, but my actions are not matching that desire.  And it has to if I am ever going to reach the goals I have set for myself, my weight and my eating habits.

I see people all the time reaching their weight loss goals as I sift through my instagram feed, read through blogs and even I know some people personally that have done it.  I still do not fully understand what it is that is keeping me from latching on and following through so that I too may have the success that I see so many have. It is all very frustrating and at times can be demoralizing that I am still in the place I was, saying I will do this and that, yet not gaining much traction.  What will it take? When will I get it and then work hard to achieve the weight loss goals I set for myself?  Honestly, there is NOTHING that is keeping me from reaching my goals, but me and that kills me deep inside.  KILLS ME!  I am tired of being that person that helps others very much but can’t seem to help myself even when my life can depend on it.  It hurts and I sometimes find myself speechless or not knowing what to do so that I can get on track and stay there.  I just don’t know.

But one thing is for certain, I WILL NOT QUIT! I WILL NOT GIVE UP! I say that and feel that with the notion of believing that one day I will do exactly what I said I would do.  I will eat healthy and I will exercise daily.  I believe that and I have to start somewhere.  So here’s to a great start to the week tomorrow. My plan is to go MASTER MONDAY… I pray!

I will blog tomorrow on my plan to get me back on track and how I will stay on track.

Until I blog again,

In one of the recent posts, I talked about implementing a rewards process that I will follow for small and big goals or as I called them, milestones.  I have the rewards ready to be shared today, but before I get to that, here’s a little back story of why I am creating this process.

Everyone likes to be rewarded from time to time and that includes me.  When I used to do Weight Watchers when I was successful by sticking to their plan, I would leave the WW meeting after having a loss at the scale and reward myself.  I used to love it however when I look back at what my rewards used to be, it was kind of counterproductive to what I was trying to accomplish. Why? Well, my rewards after losing at a weigh-in used to be rewards of food.  I would tell myself that if I lost this week that I would treat myself any where I wanted to eat and would not count a point. The thing was, that one meal turned in to a disastrous eating day which meant I had to work extra hard the other six days out of the week to make up for the huge calorie eating “reward” day. I do not want to do that now, instead I am coming up with a way to reward myself with other things than foods. With this approach I find that I will have something to shoot towards instead of food. I love the fact that I am implementing this reward system.

Drum roll please:

I weighed in today and I am 355.6.  I have lost some weight, not much, but I have loss.  Am I happy about it? Yes. But I know I can do better.  I had a better eating two weeks, but exercised little due to being sick. I do not want to dwell on that though, I lost and I am moving on from it. The next weigh-in will be better. I will see to that 🙂

Let’s jump into my personal rewards process:

355 pounds – start
345 –  10 — new book
335 –  20 — license plate frame
325 –  30 — new workout clothes
315 –  40 — new fun socks (I love fun socks)
305 –  50 — any fitness gadget
295 –  60 — new music (5 albums)
285 –  70 — new outfits
275 –  80 — necklace
265 –  90 — bracelet
255 – 100 — get away weekend (100 wow)
245 – 110 — blog makeover
235 – 120 — order t-shirt designs
225 – 130 — 2 pair Chuck Taylor’s
215 – 140 — Michael Kors watch
205 – 150 — something from Tiffany’s
195 – 160 — 2 new fragrances
185 – 170 — sneaker that I always wanted (H7)
175 – 180 — professional photo shoot

That’s it! For now these will stick, however I am leaving room for changes as I see fit. The reward can change, but not the weight target for the reward. I’m excited.  I have some other things that I am doing to help make losing weight fun, but I will share those things in another post.  I am really excited! Ready to start earning myself some REWARDS! Yay!

Until I blog again,

Tonight I thought to myself to break up the monotony of my workout routine, I would take my basketball to the gym and shoot some shots. To make it a solid workout, I promised myself that after I shot the ball, that I would hustle to gather my rebound instead of walking to get the rebound. I wanted this to be fun, but I really wanted to get a good sweat in too. I put on my wireless headphones, had my music, my ball and to the gym I went. When I first got there, there were only two young boys there (maybe 11-12 years old) which was cool because I was able to get one half of the gym to myself. Minutes later, three other teenage looking boys came in, making it a total of six folks in the gym, including me, The boys wanted to play three-on-three, half court, but that would mean they needed me to play to make the teams even. When they first asked me, I told them no as I knew I wasn’t ready to play competitively, even against young boys.  With my weight being 358 (I haven’t weighed yet to see if I lost from my original weight that I talked about in this post) I know the movement in basketball, the jumping and the fast past that teenage boys play at would be too much, so I initially said no.  However, that no didn’t last long. About 25 minutes had passed and I was hoping someone would come in so that they could play, but no one had showed up.  I looked at the other end of the court and saw that one boy had to sit out as the other four had started a game of two-on-two.  At that point, I went down and said to them, add me to a team and let the little guy sitting out on the other team.  Whew!!!

I ended up playing two games.  It was so hard. I was out of breathe. The competitor in me wanted to do the things that I used to be able to do while playing basketball in high school and college, but I could not do it. Instead, I was a liability on defense as the young man I was guarding was a deer and was running every where.  I had to remind myself during the games that this was a workout for me and that I knew it would be hard, but to keep moving. I did that and I was happy in the end.  After the two games, I sat on the sideline on the bench for about 25 minutes. Why did I do that? When I got up to leave, it was hard to get up because my joints where hurting.  I managed to get home where I took a bath to soak my bones and as I am writing this post, I am paying for the basketball workout this evening. I am sore, whew!

I know I am not ready to move like I moved tonight, but I am still happy that I did it. And I haven’t decided yet, but Friday evenings for my workout, I may do this weekly. I want to see how I feel tomorrow and how I recover before I make the final decision. One of my long-term goals is to be able to play a full court basketball game again.  I have work to do, but I will get there.  I am paying for the basketball I played tonight, but I will be very honest, I felt good to be back on a court that once was my “comfort zone” for years while I played competitively. I will be back in some fashion one day.

Until I blog again,

Today while doing some thinking about where I want to be on my weight loss journey, the one word that kept coming to me is consistency.  I know exactly why too.  In the past when I have set out to lose weight, I would be consistent for a maximum of two months and then one day or night where I would eat bad or skip the gym and then boom that was the end basically.  I never bounced back from that bad day or night.  I would attempt to bounce back, but I never fully would. There are other times where I would be doing well with my eating habits and exercise for an entire week and then off for the next three weeks.  I would then have a wake up call and get back on track, but that is after I have gained all I had lost from the week(s) I was on track.  The one thing I have not truly been able to do was to stay on track, just to be consistent.  This is why I have not seen how far I can go and how much weight I could lose.  I sabotaged myself before I am able to see real results.  I have to do better this time around.

My plan is to be as consistent as I can. I do not want to go two weeks and then have an off day and that day becomes a month or two.  Then I will be right back where I started and that is the most frustrating thing that I put myself through.  I want to know that I can lose twenty pounds so that I can see if I can lose thirty pounds.  I want to see that I can become a pants size smaller.  I want to see that I can eat clean for three months straight. I want to be able to notice that I have loss weight.  I can do all of these things if I give a consistent effort each day. This is the piece that I have not yet mastered, but I will. It is all a mental thing and I will do everything I can to master this piece of the “puzzle”. Sometimes I wish it came easy to me, but then again, what good would it be if it was all so simple? I know I can do it. I know it will not be easy.   I have to stay consistent with my eating and exercise and trust the process.  And I will…

Until I blog again,

I finally made it back to the gym.  Yesterday was the first of the month, so I wanted to start the month off on the right foot.  I also wanted to ensure that I am doing what is needed to meet my birthday goal as talked about in yesterday’s post. It felt good to be back, but just like any time you someone is away from working out, I am experiencing some soreness.  Yesterday I did the elliptical for 45 minutes while watching Hulu, My 600 lb Life, where I was so emotional. This show really helped me power my workout too.   I feel so sorry for the folks on this tv show, but at the end of each episode it is awesome to see that most of them have changed their lives.

Here are my numbers from the elliptical yesterday.  I did 3 miles on the elliptical.

I am aware that the workout machine numbers are the most accurate, however my heart rate monitor that i better with workout number accuracy batteries were dead. I came home from the gym and ordered new batteries from the heart rate monitor from amazon. Mid next week I should be good to go and ready to wear my hrm for better workout number accuracy.

I also went to the gym earlier today. I watched another episode of My 600 lb Life so my workout was identical to yesterday’s.  I was so close to 3 miles. Below is a photo of me hiding my face and my workout numbers.  I have a long way to go, but I will not quit until I reach my goals.

I am ready for the work week to start. My lunch is packed and I am looking forward to pushing through this week.  I am off to pack my gym bag now. Here’s to an awesome week <3

Until I blog again,

Today is April 1, 2017.  Yes, April Fool’s day, however my blog post will not be an April Fool’s joke. I want to get serious instead.  I will be forty in exactly fifty-nine days and I want to give myself the gift of weight loss. I just weighed in and I am currently 358.0 pounds, so this is my starting weight.  That number totally sucks, but it is my truth. I except it and now to do something about it. As a birthday gift to myself, I would like to lose 15-20 pounds  (18lbs would be perfect which would put me at 340lbs for my 40th). I think that this is extremely doable so I am making this my short-term goal. I want to be proud of myself as it relates to my weight. It has been a long time coming since I have had much to celebrate weight wise. I believe giving myself the gift of losing 15-20 pounds down before my 40th birthday would be an epic gift.  I am going after it.  So now the question is how will I accomplish this?  I plan to track all my food, whatever goes into my mouth, I will track it.  I will eat as clean as possible, basically giving up all processed foods. I also plan to workout 4-5 times a week. My workout will consist of aerobic and strength training. And lastly, I will have fun while attempting to reach my goal. Making it fun is what will keep me interested and on track to meet my goal.

I look forward to see how consistent I can be as I work towards my birthday goal. I am going to stay disciplined.  I will blog about where I am along the way.  I have to stick to it and I will.

I am off to get my first workout of April in <3

Until I blog again,

Today was day two and it was better. I was able to stay on track with my eating plan and I felt good about it. I am also blogging about my day two so this means that I was able to meet two of the three goals set for today, my eating well and blogging. The third goal I set, unfortunately, I didn’t meet. I did not make it to the gym for a workout 🙁 My heart and mind wanted to, but I just didn’t get it done. I will do better tomorrow and it will be the first goal that I attempt to reach. You see, I have a love/hate relationship with working out. I love it after I do it, but I have a hard time getting there. I just have to get it done. No excuses. Once I break the cycle of not going, I usually have no issues with going the next day and so on. It’s just getting there that is the hardest part to me. I know that sounds crazy, but it is my truth. I own it and I plan to do something about it.

I have done well for three days (no I will not keep counting the days) and I am proud of myself. I will keep adding solid and strong habits to my daily routines until I have mastered the habits and do them without thinking about them. That is the goal. I am still excited, so that is a good sign that it didn’t wear off yet. I can do this. I WILL DO THIS!

In other news, today I am starting a book titled “The Fred Factor“. I learned of this book awhile ago while reading a story about a teen named Fred who rode his bike 50 miles to register for college. It was said that he was homeless and had no other options to get to his college. The story really touched my heart and while following the story I learned of the book, The Fred Factor. I can’t wait to get started and learn something from this book. This is not a book about the teen which biked to college, but it came up in discussion while reading about him. My night will consist of drinking some H2O and starting this book. Cheers!

Until I blog again,

PAGE TOP