Tag : sad

2 posts

Ugh, I am so mad at myself.  I know, I know, it is the same ole story for me. I am on plan for two weeks, off for four weeks. I will NEVER get to where I want to go if this vicious and unwanted cycle continues.  Why can’t I get motivated, inspired and stay on track?  Why is this sooooooo hard for me? I want to lose weight, I really do, however I keep sabotaging myself instead. Mentally I feel so very weak.  Why can’t I make good food choices all day long? Why can’t I stay away from pepsi, which is a terrible trigger for me?

Why?

Why?

Why?

I knew that losing over 150 pound would be hard, but not this hard.  Today I did great for breakfast and lunch, however when I got home I seemed to eat everything in sight.  I ate pizza for dinner with a pepsi.  I then ate gingersnap cookies and potato chips.  The sad part is that I didn’t even want the cookies and chips, but because they were there, I ate them.  I immediately got up and poured hot water on all the snacks in my home and threw them in the trash.  I want to get to a point where I can go a day, JUST ONE DAY, as close to perfect with eating and exercising as possible.  I am going to do my best to make tomorrow that day.  For now, I will go and have 32 ounces of water and then go to bed.  I am praying that tomorrow is a better day for me. I have to get at least one day right and it will start tomorrow.

Until I blog again,

I know I have said all the right things in my previous posts as I really do mean them, but I haven’t been honest with myself totally. You see all of the things I have said that I will do, all of the things that I shared I have done are true, but at a very highly inconsistent level.  I have yet to commit to eating healthy and exercising consistently. To be honest, it bothers me too.  Why? Why can’t I just commit to doing something that serves me right in the present and for the future? I am obese, overweight and if I continue down this road it can get really ugly for me.  I do not want this to happen.  I want to get to where I am consistent and build from there.  I know deep down I truly want to live a happy and healthy life, but my actions are not matching that desire.  And it has to if I am ever going to reach the goals I have set for myself, my weight and my eating habits.

I see people all the time reaching their weight loss goals as I sift through my instagram feed, read through blogs and even I know some people personally that have done it.  I still do not fully understand what it is that is keeping me from latching on and following through so that I too may have the success that I see so many have. It is all very frustrating and at times can be demoralizing that I am still in the place I was, saying I will do this and that, yet not gaining much traction.  What will it take? When will I get it and then work hard to achieve the weight loss goals I set for myself?  Honestly, there is NOTHING that is keeping me from reaching my goals, but me and that kills me deep inside.  KILLS ME!  I am tired of being that person that helps others very much but can’t seem to help myself even when my life can depend on it.  It hurts and I sometimes find myself speechless or not knowing what to do so that I can get on track and stay there.  I just don’t know.

But one thing is for certain, I WILL NOT QUIT! I WILL NOT GIVE UP! I say that and feel that with the notion of believing that one day I will do exactly what I said I would do.  I will eat healthy and I will exercise daily.  I believe that and I have to start somewhere.  So here’s to a great start to the week tomorrow. My plan is to go MASTER MONDAY… I pray!

I will blog tomorrow on my plan to get me back on track and how I will stay on track.

Until I blog again,

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